KOOL THING AND THE GREASY POPCORN

-english below

U Birčaninovoj ulici u Beogradu, u restoranu Mali Pariz, maslac se lenjo topio na svežem bagetu, dok su se vinske čaše znojile na popodnevnom suncu. Jedan blok odatle, s nestrpljenjem, u zajedničkoj kuhinji stana na petom spratu, čekala sam svog dečka i cimera Branimira. Nakon bezbroj mejlova razmenjenih na relaciji spavaća – radna soba, Branimir je konačno pristao na polučasovni intervju. Kako zbog previše obaveza nema puno vremena za medijsku eksponaciju, dogovorili smo se da se nađemo baš u kuhinji, što je najbliže radnoj sobi u kojoj Branimir inače provodi najveći deo vremena.

Dok sam ispijala prvi gutljaj domaće kafe, iz razmišljanja me je prenula neprijatna škripa prastare kvake.

 

B: Moramo da popravimo ova vrata, stvarno više nema smisla….

Smesti se ti, dok ja dodam to na spisak (otvaram notes, prevrćem strane). E… Tako. Sada je odmah nakon slavine na lavabou. Pa, Branimire, beskrajno mi je drago što imam tu čast da razgovaram sa tobom danas. Znam da si jako zauzet, nadam se da nije bilo previše gužve na putu od radne sobe?

B: Imao sam sreće, pa sam krenuo na vreme, mada sam se u poslednjem trenutku spotakao na par ženskih cipela u predsoblju, ali srećom nije došlo do većeg incidenta. Znaš, mediji danas šalju pogrešnu sliku u svet. Bele flatlay kompozicije, ruže u boji šampanjca i slično, a situacija je, veruj mi, mnogo mračnija. Da li mi veruješ da sam sinoć, šetajući balkonom, naišao na punu korpu mokrog, nerasprostrtog veša?

Ma, nemoguće! I šta si uradio?

B: Jedino što je bilo ispravno. Poneo sam se kao odgovorni građanin i rasprostro veš samostalno. Priznajem da sam razmišljao o obaveštavanju nadležnih organa, ali to bi samo dovelo do hladne popare za večeru. Bez sira. Jedno je živeti u svetu nerasprostrtog veša, a sasvim drugo živeti u svetu nerasprostrtog veša i hladne popare. Bez sira.

Vandalizam! Nadajmo se samo da će se tvojim primerom ubuduće slediti i ostali građani.

B: Moje molitve su sa svima njima.

No, Branimire, iako sam i sama ljubitelj sočnog društveno-odgovornog skandala, vreme je da pređemo na tačke dnevnog reda, ako je to u redu?

B: Naravno. Iako sam, kada si me kontaktirala, bio skeptičan po pitanju moje uloge filmskog kritičara na tvom blogu, nakon par činija masnih kokica i dva litra koka kole, moji stavovi su se drastično promenili.

Drago mi je da to čujem. Svi smo nestrpljivi da saznamo šta si nam pripremio za danas?

B: Danas ćemo proći strmom avenijom romantičnih filmova koji se bave ljubavlju na način koji vas NEĆE naterati na povraćanje.

Znači li to da danas nećemo ići ulicom Adama Sendlera?

B: Nikako! Suviše je blizu Bulevaru Kate Hudson, mogli bismo da zalutamo.

Što je sigurno, sigurno je! Ako se slažeš, možemo da krenemo sa prvim filmom sa tvog spiska?

I

B: (vadi izgužvani fiskalni račun iz džepa i čita) Krenuo bih laganom pričom kreatora legendarne praznične poslastice Love Actually, Richarda Curtisa – About time.

Zašto baš ovaj film?

B: Iskreno, u prvih petnaestak minuta filma bio sam siguran da sam nekom greškom zalutao u ulicu Adama Sandlera što se ispostavilo potpuno netačno. Pored simpatične glumačke ekipe, ovaj film se od gomile romantičnih limunada izdvaja vedrinom, duhovitošću, dobrom muzikom i opšteprisutnom simpatičnošću. Spojler: Nema nolanovskih preokreta i stereotipnih scena.

Ko treba da ga pogleda?

B: Film je pogodan za sve koji imaju bar jedno oko i srce u grudima.

Kada je najbolji trenutak za ovaj film?

B: Od prvog dejta do porodičnih okupljanja. Može da se gleda sa mamom/tatom usled minimalne golotinje.

Osećaj nakon filma?

B: Bila mi je potrebna samo jedna šerpa kokica, to moram negde i da zapišem. Ostala zapažanja? Posle ovog filma želećete da zaprosite devojku, da pozovete mamu i tatu i kažete im koliko ih volite, petoro dece će vam se činiti kao najbolja ideja ikada i slušaćete dosta Nick Cavea narednih dana.

II

B: (vraća se spisku na fiskalnom računu) Sledeće na repertoaru je ostvarenje Michaela Hanekea Amour.

Zašto ovaj film?

B: Specifičan je jer prati stariji bračni par koji se suočava sa sopstvenom smrtnošću. Sirovo opisuje ljudsku prirodu i ruši predrasude o ljubavi i strasti u poznom životnom dobu. Moja devojka tvrdi da nije zaspala nijednom tokom filma što je još jedan plus.

Istina, ni zevnula nisam. Ko treba da ga pogleda?

B: Ljubitelji klasične muzike i spore kulminacije a la Tarkovsky. Ljubitelji Adama Sandlera kojima očajnički treba promena žanra. Psi i mačke.

Najbolji trenutak za ovaj film?

B: Dok dobuje kiša u ritmu tam tama? Tako nekako.

Osećaj nakon filma?

B:Ako tražite razonudu i bezbrižno ‘vatanje tokom filma, preskočite ovaj naslov! Preispitivaćete svoje izbore i životne okolnosti i žalićete što niste bili uporni sa časovima klavira.

III

B: Predzadnje na mom spisku, krajnje simpatična i, čini se, bizarna priča – Harold and Maude.

Zašto?

B: Ovo je omiljeni film Kameron Dijaz u ˝There’s Something About Mary˝. S pravom može da ponese titulu najuvrnutije priče o ljubavi ikada. Radnja koja koketira sa tabu temama, kvalitetan crni humor, suze i smeh… Sve na jednom mestu!

Kome ga preporučuješ?

B: Ljudima koji drže zapušen nos dok rone. Ljubiteljima Cat Stevensa.

Kada je idealno vreme za njega?

B: Kad god pomisliš ˝Kakvo je ovo sranje od života?!˝, što se realno dešava bar jedanput dnevno.

Osećaj nakon filma?

B: Šire ti se zenice i vidici. Konačno si odgledao onaj jedan film koji preporučuješ u kul društvu kad treba da izgledaš pametno.

IV

B: Poslednji na mom spisku, ali nikako najmanje značajan – legendarni Paris – Texas, Wima Wendersa.

Prosto mi je besmisleno da te uopšte pitam zašto ovaj film, ali hajde?

B: Zato što Nastassja Kinski, eto zato.

Kome ga preporučuješ?

B: Ne preporučujem ga, zahtevam da ga pogledate!

Kada je idealno vreme za njega?

B: Evo baš sada, čim završite sa čitanjem ovog posta.

Osećaj nakon filma?

B: Istovremeno i teskoba i olakšanje. Preslušavaćete Ry Coodera i raspitivaćete se koliko košta rent a car na relaciji Texas – California.

Branimire, bilo mi je zadovoljstvo i unapred se radujem tvojim budućim gostovanjima. Nadam se da imaš vremena za još jedno, poslednje pitanje?

B: Zadovoljstvo je moje. Naravno, pauza za topli obrok ističe tek za pet minuta, reci?

Može li popara za večeru, imamo neki bajat hleb, žao mi da bacim?

B: Može popara, što da ne (kreće ka vratima).

E, ali neka bude sa sirom.

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On a sunny day in Belgrade, Bircaninova street, in a restaurant called ‘Little Paris’ the butter was slowly melting untop of a fresh baguette, while the wine glasses were sweating in the afternoon sun. One block away from there, in the shared kitchen of the apartment on the fifth floor, I was impatiently waiting for Branimir. After tons of exchanged e-mails between bedroom and home office, Branimir finally accepted to meet me for an interview. Since he doesn’t have a lot of time for media exposure,  we agreed that the interview should be held in the kitchen, which is the closest to the home office , where Branimir usually spends most of his time.

As I was enjoying the first sip of my homemade coffee, daydreaming, I was startled by the unpleasant creaking of the prehistoric kitchen door.

B: We have to fix this door, it’s really getting out of hand, literally…

Make yourself comfortable, while I add that to the list ( opening the memo pad, turning pages ) … there. Now it’s next to the sink tap. Well, Branimir, I’m so glad I have the honor of interviewing you today. I know you’re busy, I hope there wasn’t no traffic jam on your way from the home office?

B: Luckily, I left on time, but, to be honest, I did trip on some women shoes in hallway. There were no major incidents, though. You know, the wrong picture is being sent by the media. White flatlays, champagne coloured roses etc. and the real situation is much worse! Would you believe me if I tell you I stumbled upon a basket filled with wet laundry while I was walking down my balcony yesterday?

No way! And what did you do?

B: The only thing I feelt was right. I acted like a responsible citizen and hanged the laundry myself. I must admitt I thought about notifying the authorities, but that would only lead to the cold poridge for dinner. With no cheese.  It’s one thing to live in the world of wet laundry lying around, and it’s the whole other thing to live in that same world with cold poridge for dinner. With no cheese.

Unbelievable! The people in this city can realy look up to you when in temptation!

B: Here’s hoping!

Anyways, Branimir, although I’m a big fan of a joucy scandal, I think it’s time to cut to the chase, if that’s all right with you?

B: Of course! I was sceptical when you first called me to be a guest film critic on your blog. However, after two bowls of greasy popcorn and a bottle of Coke, I’ve completely changed my mind.

I’m so pleased to hear that. We are all really impatient to hear what you have in store for us today?

B: Today we’ll walk the steep avenue of romantic movies who deal with the matters of love in a way that won’t make you puke in your mouth.

Does that mean we are not headed for Adam Sandler Street?

B: No way, no how! It’s too close to the Boulevard of Kate Hudson, we can get lost!

Better to be safe than sorry! We can move on to the first movie recommendation for today, if you agree?

I

B: (takes out the piece of paper) I want to begin with the creator of Love Aactually, Ritchard Curtis, and his latest movie – About Time.

Why did you choose this movie?

B: To be honest, in the first few minutes of this movie, I thought I accidentaly made a wrong turn to the Adam Sandler Street, but I was wrong. Besides wonderful cast, this movie stands out from the crowd with its wittiness, humor and extraordinary soundtrack. Spoyler alert: there are no cheesy turnovers.

Who should watch it?

B: If you have at least one eye and a beating heart, you should watch it.

What’s the best timing for watching this movie?

B: It’s suitable both for the fist date and family reunions. It’s also mom/dad-safe, since there’s no nudity.

How would you describe the feeling you get after the movie?

B: I needed just one bowl of popcorn, and I have to write that down somewhere. Other observations? After this move, you’ll want to propose to your girlfriend, you’ll want to call your mom and dad and tell them you love them, having five kids will seem like a very good idea, and you’ll listen to Nick Cave a lot for the next few days.

II

B: The next on my list is Michael Haneke’s Amour

Why this movie?

B: It’s special for it’s unusual story about senior couple and their struggle with facing their own mortality. It’s full of raw descriptions of human nature and it tackles prejudice about love and passion. My girlfriend didn’t fall asleep during the movie, so there’s also that.

That’s true. Not a single yawn was given. So, who should watch this movie?

B: Lovers of classical music and slow culmination a la Tarkovsky. Adam Sandler fans who desperately need to change their ways. Pets.

The best timing?

B:While raindrops keep falling on your head? Try then.

What’s the feeling after the movie?

B: If you’re just looking for amusement while cuddling with your boyfriend/girlfriend, forget about it. After this one, you’ll be questioning your life choices and circumstances, feeling guilty you didn’t go through with the piano classes in elementary.

III

B: Next one – very cute and somewhat bizzare story – Harold and Maude.

Why?

B: This is Cameron Diaz’ favourite movie in ˝There’s Something About Mary˝. It can easily be the weirdest love story you’ll ever watch. It tacles the taboo with dark humor and will make you cry and laugh at the same time.

And who should watch it?

B: People who wear sandals and socks. Cat Stevens fans.

What’s the perfect timing for it?

B:  Whenever you’re like ˝What the fuck is this shit?!˝, which happens at least once a day.

What’s the after-feeling?

B: Your pupils are getting dilated, and your horizons are getting broader. You finally have that one movie that you’ll brag about anytime you need to look cool.

IV

B: The last but deffinitely not the least , Wim Wenders’ Paris Texas.

I feel like it’s totally unnecessary to ask you why this movie, but go on anyway!

B: Because Nastassja Kinski, that’s why.

Who do you think should watch it?

B: I don’t think you SHOULD watch it. I demand you do.

Perfect timing?

B: How about right now?

After-taste?

B: Anguish and relief, all at once. You’ll listen to Ry Cooder and will search the prices of rent-a-car in Texas and California.

Branimir, it was an absolute pleasure. I’m looking forward to being your host in the future. I hope you have time for the one last question?

B: The pleasure is all mine. Oof course I have time! Shoot!

Do you mind the poridge for dinner? We have some leftover bread, it’s a shame to go to waste.

B: Poridge is totally fine with me (leaving the kitchen)…

But, let there be cheese!