Today I stumbled upon an article on Vice “The 18 Things that will happen to you every year in December”. A delightful review of all inevitable feelings and situations this holiday month makes you face every winter so I thought what the hell, I’m gonna write my own list. I can be veeery pushy with holiday spirit and all (just ask my boyfriend, but ask him later, he’s assembling the tree right now) but we all know that holidays can be as shitty as they are marry and bright. So let’s see who wins this battle – Rudolph or Grinch.
1. TOO. MUCH. ENTHUSIASM.
Like, really too much. For example, I’m planning to decorate my home this weekend and every time I think about it I get the feeling similar to the one when I’m anticipating the first date. That may be due to my ”I get easily excited about everything” condition that I’m trying to keep under control but failing every time. Anyway, I’ll have to rule this one as a good thing because it helps me survive the cold weather and fizzy hair.
2. SHAMELESS SHOPPING
My payroll is in serious need of antidepressants these days. It is really a Holiday miracle that I somehow manage to survive till next year. Online shopping, grocery shopping, gift shopping, therapy shopping… You name it, I’ll swipe it. I’m not always unreasonable (!!!) but when I am, it comes with consequences.
When I’m not wearing reindeer head band and talking people into buying their own fucking Christmas tree, there comes her majesty – introspection. I generally like to introspect the shit out of my feelings and choices but when it comes to holidays I like to go a little over the top. Do I really like who I am? When will I admit to myself that I’m a sugar junkie? Why did I send that text 9 years ago? Did I really have to indulge myself with that neverending breakup/makeup cycle with my ex boyfriend 6 years ago?! AM I A SHIT PERSON??? The list goes on.
4. SETTING LOTS OF (UNREALISTIC) GOALS
This is actually a good thing. My friend who’s quite a serendipity connoisseur would surely add that there’s no such thing as unrealistic goals, but hey… So, as I was saying this is a good thing simply because “Shoot for the moon and you’ll end up among the stars”. I strongly suggest you try it. Visualize the things you want, the feelings you’re longing for, places you’ll love to see… Worth a try, don’t you think?
5. JUNK FOOD
Every year I say to myself: Ok, this is it. No more. And guess what? Somehow, there’s always MORE! Honestly, my ability to lie to myself over and over again is truly admirable but the truth is I sincerely hope that one day I’ll be strong enough to say no to crispy crust and cake. Good news is I’ve spent few hours today searching for raw gluten free recipes I’m gonna try. Also, Bane bought us a gorgeous blender that has to be put to business with something other than cookie frappe. Let’s hope for a Christmas miracle.
6. FAILED LOVE STORIES GRAVEYARD
I am no expert when it comes to love. Before the relationship I’m in now, my love life was, to put it mildly, tragic. However, any love related catastrophe that ever happened to me was perfectly placed, figuratively speaking, under the mistletoe and, as far as anyone I know is concerned, the pattern is alive and well. Naturally, I can not help but remember those incidents as the years go by because who would ever want to forget spectacular midnight count down break up and other cringe worthy stories?!
7. DEAN MARTIN
Either you are Team Dean Martin or you’re Team Michael Buble. You can’t do both.
8. MOOD SWINGS
It’s that feeling when you just can’t ignore the fact that a lot of children in this world are cold and alone and hungry while you very often take for granted all the life’s blessings but then you also go and spend a month’s worth of groceries on a damn Christmas tree. You relatin’?
9. FIRST SNOW EXCITEMENT
Oh it’s so exiting. Magical. We like to brew a pot of aromatic tea or hot chocolate, play some festive tunes and then we like to just contemplate the thought of a miracle that is a single snowflake. An then, 10 minutes later I remember I have to wake up tomorrow and streets will be a mess and so will the public transport, so I’m like OK, STOP NOW. YOU CAN STOP NOW.
10. REALIZING I’M GETTING OLD
Inevitable truth. Sometimes I get the feeling all my excitement about holidays and decorations obsessions are just the easiest way of expressing my internal I DON’T WANNA GROW UP!!! screaming voice. I don’t think I’ll ever stop expecting my present to be under the tree, and I surely plan to wear my cheesy holiday socks in the years to come. After all, it feels like December is one big fluffy hug you deserve after a more or less good year. Cry or laugh, it’s all allowed, and I love it just like that – the last few lines and doodles before turning the new page.