Now, let’s talk about expectations. I’ll cut to the chase – ring the alarm!
We, people of Earth, somehow managed to make a big deal out of everything. I spent 20 minutes this morning reading the comments below an article about bikini line maintenance on Buzzfeed that, turns out, isn’t even about maintenance – it’s a satirical article about women’s right to not give a damn about maintaining their bikini lines. And that’s fine, but we, people of Earth, have a lot of opinions. Like, Sunday’s supper at your grandma’s lot. Unfortunately, there are some of us who don’t really know how to deal with the fact that our humble opinions might not be the only ones out there. If you wonder where those silly people are, look at the nearest comment section. As it turns out, maintaining a bikini line is a pretty complex issue. You should definitely try and keep it neat. You should let it go all natural. You shouldn’t use wax. You should use wax and ditch the razor. You should maybe try buying a vintage-style swimsuit that doesn’t show your bikini line… SO. MANY. OPINIONS. And how about this one – it’s a good one, I promise! Close your eyes and ask yourself – Do my actions on this matter affect only myself? If answer is Yes, then you do whatever the hell you wanna do. Bikini wise, go bold, go medium or go full forest. No one cares, really. That one person who said it’s unacceptable won’t even make it to the beach to judge you, he/she will be too busy leaving pointless comments on the internet!
I know I said I’ll cut to the chase, but it’s a cruel world out there and people sometimes lie. Get used to it. Also, I don’t know how to cut to the chase. Maybe we should have that as a subject in Elementary schools. Cutting through bullshit right to the chase: The principles. Now, that would be useful.
Summer, as well as maintaining a bikini line, is a complex issue. We, the people of Earth, managed to make a big deal out of summer too. It’s not just three months of permanent sunshine, freedom and vacation, no Sir! Now it’s all about how you’re spending it, where you’re spending it and how enthusiastic you really are about it. If you’re not 24/7 smiles and shenanigans in the summertime, then shame on you.
Things have changed since the last time I even had time to acknowledge the concept of summer. Back then it was pretty easy. Summer comes, you go out, drive your bike, eat lots of ice cream, maybe even go to the seaside… Whatever you do, it’s a win win! Now, it got complicated. In three months time you should be able to squeeze in summer pool parties, summer house parties, all in between parties, ice creams, gelatos, lemonades, refreshing cocktails, homemade watermelon cakes, healthy eating, 10 day detox, regular exfoliating, minimum of two vacations and few city breaks while managing to pay for all that with your 9-5 office job. Now, isn’t that nice?
Internet culture made sure you don’t have to wonder if you’re missing something. The answer is always the same – you are. So I figured I should definitely say/do something about it (now we getting to the chase!). I’m here to tell you to chill the fuck down. It’s that simple. Just let it go, Elsa! You know what happens when it’s a beautiful summer evening outside and you stay in? Nothing. Nothing happens. Puff! Pure magic. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to or can’t afford doing, really. There’s no internet police that will come to your door checking if you’ve been able to make those quick and easy berry popsicles. You’re a free man/woman (for now).
However, if you’re really brave enough and are going to spend the evening at home doing “nothing”, here’s the list of movies you could watch while doing “nothing”. As always, I curated this list together with Bane, my boyfriend because he’s the one picking the titles and I’m the one scrubbing the floors in this house. Also, I hope I don’t always need to point out that I’m being sarcastic? Good.
1. THE KINGS OF SUMMER, Jordan Vogt-Roberts
The title pretty much says it all. I wanted to build a tree house and a tire swing after watching this one! Despite the over-used plot, the movie really stood out for me. Maybe because of Nick Offerman and his jokes? Might be. Maybe I always wanted to have a summer of complete mindblowing fun? Could be. But there’s no maybe when it comes to Biaggio, the character with terrific comedic wit that will leave you in stitches, I shit you not! Why live when you can rule, says official movie quote. Think about it!
When to watch it: It’s perfect for when you’re feeling nostalgic or low-spirited and need a boost up.
2. CERTIFIED COPY, Abbas Kiarostami
The title Certified Copy sort of explains what awaits you in the last Kiarostami’s masterpiece. Throughout the movie he (director) constantly distorts our viewpoints making us uncertain of a single fact. It’s a nice thing being reminded that understanding of an original or a copy is really only a matter of perspective. And, of course, Tuscany, which, no matter how you look at it, is a masterpiece of it’s own.
When to watch it: When you crave something a bit moodier and meaningful. Certified Copy is one of those movies that you think about days after watching.
3. IL SORPASSO, Dino Risi
A man in a two-seat car that looks like it can be picked up and carried when you get tired of driving and a law student that joins him on a road to nowhere in particular. Of course, they don’t know each other when they embark on a journey to find freedom and “live a little”. If that law student was me, I’d have to be forced at gunpoint. I mean, the struggling future isn’t gonna happen by itself – study hard, live occasionally, that’s my motto!
The freedom mentioned earlier is the best description for this movie, it’s color palette is ranging from exuberant blackest black and whitest white with some gray undertones (never miss a chance to be mildly funny – another motto). Now, I recall it was a black and white movie, but when I watched it, I was certain of its vivid colors and joyful drive.
When to watch it: When you’re having a hard time believing that life is, indeed, beautiful.
4. A BIGGER SPLASH, Luca Guadagnino
Again with the Italy and it’s lavish landscape – it’s a kind of no-brainer for a summer movie location. You just need a couple of actors. Hey Tilda you want a job? And how ’bout you Ralph? Now we just add a dash of great music and a love affair, and there you have it. A recipe for a 100% organic (maybe not so organic because it’s a remake) summer movie.
When to watch it: When you’re feeling uninspired and lazy, go for this one!
5. EVERYBODY WANTS SOME , Richard Linklater
From the director of legendary Dazed and Confused comes this little gem. Now, this is just the movie to leave your mind on a desert island and come back for it later. The jokes and the music will make you feel completely careless and light-spirited. There’s also no plot which comes as a refreshment in a sea of classic teenage comedy genre. A big YES to this one!
When to watch it: Summer nights with your go to movie buddy. Whether you’re happy, sad or indifferent, this movie is all-around right choice!